Sundays:

 Sundays are for rest....

Today I took it slow.  I purchased some yellow flowers for the planters in the yard.  Im feeling I need the pop of yellow to pick me up, not my normal go-to.  I'm a really big fan of pink...but today yellow pansies.  I saw Allison and Tracy and chatting with them was great.  I am too social and generally happy to stay home in a ball.  I'm trying to get away from saying I'm "hanging in there" and today I said "I am so grateful for the amazing love I have been shown...almost 40 (combined) years with an amazing man, our grown children handling these last few years with more understanding and support for each other than some adults I know!  I find myself going back to my 19-year-old self and her struggles when my dad died in a plane crash and took our family by shock.  How I processed the situation then and grew to teach my children to speak of death, expect it will come and know they will be okay!  They know they have each other - the strength in those numbers makes my momma heart sing!  I told them too, should I pass unexpectedly, I have no regrets and have already lived a filled life...don't be sad for me!

I have received beautiful cards and messages from people letting me know how loved we all are.  It really does take the tragedy of loss to bring people together!  Thank you all for the time you take to think of me and mine...each message is not wasted on me!  

Today I watched a reel on my phone and screenshot the message....(Jameson Arasi)    

"Grief expressed out loud, whether in or out of character, unchoreographed and honest, for someone we have lost...is in itself the greatest praise we could ever give them.  Grief is praise, because it is the natural way love honors what it misses." 

He went on:  It's the tears that fall without warning.  The lump in  your throat when you say their name.  The way your eyes search a crowd for a face you know you wont find.  Or how you still reach for your phone, only to remember.  

Because grief isn't a disorder, its devotion.  Its love's way of standing at the door, refusing to let it close on the one who walked through it.  When we speak their name, when we tell their story, even through a trembling voice, we are keeping them here.  It's love still doing its work, still honoring what it misses.

Grief is not a sign that something is wrong with you.  Its a sign that something was right.  That you lived and loved and were loved in return. 

If love is how we celebrate their presence, then grief is how we continue to celebrate their absence. 

Grief is love reshaped by loss.  A love that has changed form, but not direction.  A love that still lives in the spaces they once filled.

Because grief is praise.

And that's the most beautiful thing we have left to give.

Today I had fewer tears and I worry something is wrong with me but then I look back on the day (like I am now) and realize, it was filled with my people, running into my friends, time in my yard doing my favorite thing, hanging out with my beautiful daughters on the back deck, listening to Chandler prepare the spring equipment for yard work like Jean always did and a meal prepared on the grill to wrap it up.  It was all SO GOOD!  

I took this photo at about 5:00 this evening coming home from a grocery pickup.  Its my driveway and all the kids cars.  On Sunday's we rest to prepare for the week and everyone is doing their own version of what is best for them.  The dogs are happiest when everyone is here too!   I just can't wait for the green on the trees and maybe the grass to come in....its been a long winter!

 Just wanted to let those who might read this know, I'm doing okay and my kids are too!  

~kel